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Recently I caught up with Q, my 20 something year old pseudo young gay brother and smartest young gay I known with such a party animal like me. We have been brothers or sisters more than a year while he was an intern in Thailand. He is an American who rose in Thailand but I was his first mentor to guide him to Gay Scene in Bangkok.
His visit this time is mainly to catch up with his lifestyle along with working on his resource about the problem down south of Thailand (stressful). The talk between him and me, as it always does with gay men turned to men and relationships.
I could see myself in Q..he was just like me but ten years ago. I used to be like him…optimistic about relationships and believe that I would find a life partner. After years long of dating and a few unsuccessful relationships I really doubt whether two gay men can be together for life. I look around at all the gay men that I know…most are either single and those who have relationships only seem to last a few years.
Sure there are a lot of chances for hetro to get divorce as well but so many factors keep straight people together or get back together. Unlike Gay men we do not have any factor that can keep two guys being committed or responsible in each other like, we dun get pregnant or oblige by law. Men and women are both very different, emotionally, and physically.
Women’s role has always been to emotionally connect with men. Children, legal protections and the social structure are every girl dream and right to hold onto someone. Every girl wants to get married...while many gay men want to go to parties and have casual sex. If you look at lesbian relationships versus gay relationships you see the contrasts…the strong emotional connection between women.
Why so we like to sleep around, have fun, and hardly commit into any relationship? Is it because we are GAY?
Answer: Because we are HUMAN MAN.
Sure there are always exceptions to the rule. But let’s face it, for gay men it is more difficult to find a long term partner…well at least at my generation or Bangkok.
Sometimes when you talk to someone that so optimist and disagree with you, that person often burst his bubble. Some other time my cynical side was crushing his ideal of happily ever after. Luckily Q was there to be a buffer…he could see the arguments of both of our points. Like I said before , he is a smart kid.
I have experienced with many hetro who are married to women but playing around with guys. I know it was a taboo to talk about but let face it that these stuffs in presently are normal. They have a partner (companion, friend) and someone to share their life with…have kids ….and the great gay sex.
I secretly also hoped that I was wrong…that a special someone was out there…that I would not have to live alone and old… I hope that Q becomes a bit cynical or negative about life otherwise he may end up with heartbreak and unprepapred and I also hope that I become more of an open minded about this otherwise I may have a lot of heartbreak too.
I could not help but wonder if I had started out like Q ten years ago, why had I become so cynical? Bad dating experiences? Were the men here to blame? Was it better outside of this Bangkok bubble? Or they all just the same… I wondered.
Today theme song is called " Question Existing" Rihanna with The Wideboys Club Mix...
